I have been divorced three years now. Because of that, the past few years I have been inundated with dating coaches and dating apps.
I find myself clicking these links that baffle me in so many ways. Apparently the goal of most these shows is to instruct women how to get a man who constantly trying to get her attention. While reminding her to be a high quality woman.
The advice comes off manipulative and insulting while trying to boaster the person at once. The thing that puts me the most off is this focus on romanticism in them.
A few months ago the algorithms of google started me on these philosophy lectures by this organization called the School of Life, in this sea of dating coaches turning the opposite sex into some type of known entity these lectures talk about the emotional things I have felt and experienced. I find the dialogue I have with most people about relationships is in this other sphere from me.
One of my favorite lectures is How Romanticism Ruined Love
I kind of want to put it on my dating profile. And start my courtships from the idea of Post Romanticism. My relationship was long it was 27 years, and in it one of my biggest mistakes was believing that all happiness could stem from one’s partner.
I woke from world of romantic love and parenting to find myself quite isolated. I have been trying to expand my world. When my friends and family ask about my dating life I find them all hooking into all the romanticism myths, while I am taking my stoic mindset to most relationships.
I tend to just be myself. I am open to people. I am a bit reserved I get my life is different. And I throw people who like to compartmentalize others. There is this wild edge to me, I know I can’t hide, it has to do with parenting a person who dealt with life threatening situations the first 5 year of her life. The battle to keep her alive is raw and apparent in my composure and how I think. The toll on my body and transformation of my mind has turned me into this person who seizes days and relishes life from moment to moment. I revel in the now and whatever I focus on.
I think it is off putting because, I have limited time to myself, if I don’t have plans with people I do spontaneous adventures, I wonder off to the wilderness or the coast. Yes, I really do. For some reason a lot of men think contacting you an hour before they want to do something is their only thought process. They get mad, when I had asked the day before they never responded and then I make other plans.
I offer other times but it seems they are stuck in this romantic view that if that one moment doesn’t happen it is not meant to be. It baffles me on so many levels. Anything worth happening requires some thought, work and follow through.
Whenever, I am giving someone who has asked for advice as they are battling for a decision I always remind them. “Indecision is a decision.”
In the end, no one can talk about intimacy if they can’t make time for one another. I tend to prefer having people in my life that make and effort and I meet them at that level. It is not about insecurity is about respecting one another. I place value on on the people who show value in me. I let the people go who play, “The hard to get” game. I compliment people because, I really have no idea what they have been through and I only do it if I mean it. I like to be clear I really don’t have time for vagaries and confusion. I find a lot aspects of life confusing enough. I know I am flawed so I give people in my life the benefit of the doubt in those areas too.
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